Dear Mik and Mike: My boyfriend is very hidden sexually. I know he is thinking about something else or not all the way there when we are having sex. He is not the excitable type to begin with, except for when he watches sports on TV. I decided to take things into my own hands. I went to the local sex store and bought a variety of items, from lingerie to prostate massagers. One way or another I am going to find out what turns this guy on. The question is, should I come on strongly (whips and chains for example), or softly (with lingerie)? I don’t want to scare him off with the anal probe, but at the same time something extreme needs to be done. What do you think I should do?
Hidden sexually? What’s he do? Tuck his package in his butt? (Ha ha! Just kiddin’!) Well my wife isn’t into sex either and we’ve been married for years. If the guy would rather get off watching sports on TV, you’d best accept that about him and move on, because you are not going to change him. Does he get turned on by other women? Have you ever noticed him undress a woman walking down the street? If that’s the case, maybe he’s got it in him and the chemistry just isn’t happening. If sex is that important to you, find someone who shares your interest and move on. There’s always the Bible. Seems lots of folks go there when they can’t find what they’re looking for in each other. If there’s one thing extreme that needs to be done, it’s to take a good look at yourself and your partner and make an honest assessment. And take all that other crap back to the store. If he wants it, he’ll buy it.
I’m going to have to disagree with some of Mike’s advice. Hang on to the toys. Some of my male sources say nothing would turn them on more than having their woman surprise them with something fun from the toy store. And remember, it’s the element of surprise that’s key. “Do you feel like trying out the new bunny I bought?” is not taking control of the situation. Don’t ask, do. What kinds of sports does he like? Consider dressing up like a catcher, a golf caddy, a fly-fisherwoman. Waders with nothing else could be alluring.
The other thing you might think about is asking if he will get his testosterone checked. It might be a little on the low side, and if he’s willing to supplement, you might find yourself with a new man. Or… he needs a new man. Have you considered that he may not like girls?
Photo by Dave Patten
