Dear Mik and Mike: I just watched a Hair Club for men commercial. They said 80% of feeling good is looking good. They said in four weeks I can be “fixed” of my baldness. A friend I have who is a yoga teacher got an actual hair transplant operation. I used to think it was unspiritual to do something like an operation on my body to look better. Isn’t that purely vain? I have the money to do it, but is it worth it? I always used to pride myself on being honest and “real”. Am I selling my soul and “not being real” if I get a hairpiece or hair transplant? The examples of customers on TV look so happy and confident. I am tired of wearing a hat indoors.
My advice is to shave it all off! Save your money for something useful like bleaching your teeth. No one will revile you for having white teeth unless you go too white. A man with a shaved head is really, really sexy. It says he’s confident. A man with a hair transplant looks like he needs to court our love because he’s too pitiful to deserve it on his own merit. Which do you want to be?
Two words: Patrick Stewart. No wait, here’s two more: Sean Connery. No wait: Vin Diesel. No wait: Bruce Willis. Ok, now that I have your attention, listen to me: there is really nothing wrong with balding. It’s totally ok. Shave it all off it it’s bothering you so much. Or wear a cool hat. Or shave it off and then wear a cool hat. Here’s another perspective: men who feel ashamed of their receding hairlines appear unsexy. You see, balding is invisible when you hold it up against shame. Shame shows, it gleams, it shimmers off of you like road heat, it trails after you in transparent, musty waves as you walk down the street. However, men who feel ashamed of their receding hairlines, have surgery, and are found out, leave a permanent marker, a stench, wherever they go. People remember, they take note, months after the moment they laid eyes on you: remember that guy (** “guy” in italics **) with the hair transplant? Ugh. Dear member of the male species, listen to me: if you get a hair transplant, there is a decent chance that you may never, ever, EVER get laid again.
Photo by David Gallagher
