Dear Mik and Mike: I am a male straight professional artist. I have a very strange situation that I need help with. On a trip to Istanbul I met a fan who was familiar with my work. He met me at an art opening. We became friends and he kept paying for my dinners, carrying my heavy gear and offering to drive me around to see the local area, sights and scene. He looks a little like a Turkish Uncle Fester. Anyway, last night he said he needed a place to stay so he would not have to drive home and back to pick me up the next morning to drive me around. He asked if he could stay in my (small) room. I mentioned I did not have an extra bed and he said he could sleep on the floor. As the evening progressed at one point he rubbed his hand on my back in a small circular motion 3 times… and the fourth… I think… he used one finger moving about and inch straight down. That last move, the “one incher” alarmed me. Suddenly, I thought, “Is this guy GAY”? Am I being paranoid, is this a Turkish thing? Or is he a gay or do men show affection like this? Bewildered Artist
Welcome to our world of unwelcome attention and forward behavior. I’d like to point out that regardless of sexual orientation, you led this guy on by allowing him to pay for you, drive you, and carry your stuff. Most people just won’t do that for nothing. They all have some kind of agenda, be it money, sex, or ego. If you thought you were getting something for nothing, especially in a developing country, then this is your rude awakening. A real friendship isn’t all one-sided, but has a natural flow of give and take. You just got a taste of what a very persistent guy does to an ignorant woman. Stop being bewildered and make some healthy boundaries.
Dear Homophobe: First of all are you sure you are really straight? How straight is straight? In the words of the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu (was he a gay?) “Bend and be straight”. In other words, if you are too straight you break. You have to bend a little in life. My friends and fellow world travelers often tell me that in some of these small “ass backwards” male-dominated countries that are filled with hordes of uneducated people and age-old useless religious taboos (no offense intended), the men are not allowed to sleep with women before marriage. So the women and men are not getting laid. And to get married is a big deal. You have to have plenty of cows or sheep or some sort of farm animal. The point being, no one is getting in… heterosexually that is, unless they can afford a prostitute. Although homosexuality is frowned upon, it is quite common for “friends” to help each other out, sort of a jailhouse-without-the-walls sort of thing. So that last inch of the back rub may have indeed been a “move”, but a friendly one at that.
Photo by Arno Arno
