Dear Mik and Mike: I read your advice all the time and for the most part I think it’s excellent. But yesterday I followed what you said about saying hello to new people and it didn’t work out so well. I was at the grocery store and I was putting lettuce into a plastic bag. There was a man next to me looking at the spinach. I looked at him and said, “Spinach salad is great! I think I’ll get some spinach too.” He looked at me and walked away. While I was waiting at the deli counter there was a woman standing next to me looking at the olives, so I said, “They’re always so busy here, but it’s really worth the wait.” She looked at me and went to stand at the other end of the counter. What did I do wrong? I’m kind of discouraged.
Don’t be discouraged! You’re doing the right thing. But I’m going to ask you to give yourself a brutally honest assessment. How were you dressed? Was your bra on the inside or the outside of your clothes? Was your makeup appropriate or was it a bit over the top for a grocery store? Anything stuck in your teeth? How about whiff… you get the picture. In our enthusiasm to get out and try new approaches, we can sometimes neglect to thoroughly prepare. If you’re convinced you presented well to the world, then know that a lot of people aren’t used to being that sociable with strangers. Keep smiling, and soon enough this will all feel natural to you.
As my father used to always chant (rave, repeat, etc.) “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!” I think if you had talked to a third person you might have gotten a nicer reaction. It’s important not to get discouraged and to keep trying. Also, notice how the rejection doesn’t really bother you. You tell us it does, but if you think about it you’ll see it’s a case of them being closed, scared, or frightened and not you. All you’re doing is communicating in a friendly way. If you continue conversation beyond that, the person will almost always join in. It’s just getting past the initial phase that seems to be difficult at first. Try it again.
Photo by Hannanik
