Dear Mik and Mike: I am a 35 year old man and I just cannot seem to find the right woman. Personality is very important to me. I just cannot seem to find someone with the right attitude and personality for me. To make matters worse, whenever someone likes me I lose interest. Even the most beautiful woman, if she likes me or becomes too interested… I lose interest. And the ones I like are not interested in me. It seems like I am getting constantly rejected. Recently a friend suggested I try Rejection Therapy online. Since I won’t accept any one who would accept me, or to quote Woody Allen, “I’d never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member”, I think I have more of a problem with acceptance then rejection. What should I do?
Woody Allen is neurotic and he means it. Groucho Marx said it first, and he was funny. My advice to you is to quit dating for a while. Just stop. You’re not ready for a girlfriend and you’re probably pissing off a lot of women. Rejection Therapy won’t work for you because you’re rejecting yourself first. Practicing being rejected by other people is just going to help you avoid the real issue, which is you have no real confidence in who you are, you don’t know yourself, and you’re being driven by unconscious fears. I suggest you get a real therapist who will help you uncover what’s making this happen, layer by layer. Only when you understand and accept yourself will you find love.
I think you need to learn to love yourself. Stop trying to find love in other people and stop looking for validation from women. When you truly love yourself, and find some kind of peace with who you are in the world, then the right person will come into your life. Until then you may just keep coming up with rejects, like yourself.